Children often reveal their emotional states not through words, but through where they choose to spend their time.
Clinical Psychologist Dr Kimberly Chew (founder of AO Psychology) introduces the concepts of “living room kids” and “bedroom kids”, offering insights into their behaviours, needs, and what parents can do to support them.
What do ‘living room’ and ‘bedroom’ kids mean?
According to Dr Chew:
“Living room kids tend to be more outward-facing… They thrive in communal areas, enjoy shared activities like movies or games, and process emotions through interaction.”
In contrast:
“Bedroom kids… crave quiet, solitude, or a sense of autonomy… This doesn’t necessarily indicate something negative.”
These differences often stem from a child’s temperament, developmental stage, or neurodiversity. For instance, introverted or highly sensitive children may find the energy of a shared space overstimulating and seek the privacy of their rooms as a sanctuary.
Why do some children prefer their bedrooms?
Dr Chew outlines several reasons:
- Adolescent Development: Teenagers are naturally inclined to seek independence, and their bedrooms offer that symbolic separation.
- Sensory Overload: Some children feel overwhelmed in busy, noisy environments and need solitude to self-regulate.
- Family Dynamics: Conflict or tension in shared spaces may prompt children to retreat.
- Emotional Regulation: Bedroom time is sometimes not avoidance, but a way to decompress or reflect.
Crucially, Dr Chew notes:
“It’s not about the form of the behaviour, but the function. Is the room a space of restoration, or a retreat from emotional pain?”
When solitude might be a red flag
While solitude can promote resilience and creativity, there are signs that may indicate concern:
- Sudden withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities
- Avoidance of social interaction, even with friends
- Persistent low mood, irritability, or lethargy
- Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
- Excessive screen time without engagement or joy
Why living room time still matters
Time spent together in shared spaces is more than just a family routine — it builds:
- Belonging and trust
- Communication skills
- Cognitive and emotional resilience
In fact, regular family meals have been linked to improved academic performance, better nutrition, and stronger mental health. Even short, regular interactions — like a board game, a walk, or a shared show — can foster deeper connections.
How parents can balance privacy with connection
Dr Chew describes this balance as a “dance, not a tug-of-war.” Her advice:
“Respect boundaries: Knock before entering. Invite rather than demand.”
“Create rituals: Regular meals or Sunday morning breakfasts become anchors of connection.”
“Use micro-moments: Leave a thoughtful note, offer a snack, or quietly join them while they game — acts that say, ‘I see you, and I’m here.'”
These actions convey presence without pressure.
Strategies to engage ‘bedroom kids’ without overstepping
Dr Chew offers practical suggestions:
“Collaborate, don’t coerce: Say, ‘Would you like to help me prepare something in the kitchen?’ rather than ‘Come out and join us.'”
“Build routines: Casual, low-stakes traditions — like evening walks — create dependable connection.”
“Follow their interests: Dive into their favourite game, anime, or music — not to change them, but to know them.”
“Keep the door open — literally and emotionally. A closed door doesn’t mean a closed heart.”
And importantly:
“The goal isn’t to force your child into the living room — it’s to help them feel that wherever they are in the house, they are loved, seen, and accepted.”
What a healthy balance looks like
| Communal Space (Living Room) | Personal Space (Bedroom) |
|---|---|
| Connection through shared experiences | Restoration through solitude |
| Opportunities for family bonding | Space for self-reflection and autonomy |
| Emotional openness and presence | Emotional safety and self-regulation |
Both spaces are essential. One offers community; the other fosters independence.
Whether your child gravitates to the couch or the quiet of their room, the important thing is not where they are, but why.
By tuning in with empathy, parents can meet their children where they are emotionally. The aim isn’t to eliminate differences, but to embrace them — while gently guiding children toward balance, connection, and emotional health.
[[nid:717069]]
This article was first published in theAsianparent.
Top In Asia
